Double Dragon Movie Download

7 / 10

“Your incompetence sticks needles into the flesh of my honor”
Having played the original Nintendo game myself, it is actually a small miracle that I managed to miss this movie for so long, and I guess it is no more than justice that I finally watched it in the year of its 25th anniversary.

Movie adaptations of games generally have a bad name for a number of reasons, like not being able to replicate the gaming experience, poor production values, or taking itself way too seriously. Although Double Dragon makes a valiant attempt to replicate the game’s theme of urban decay and street gang martial arts (I was never aware that it had much of a story), it is definitely poorly made, with laugable acting and direction, ridiculous story and dialogue, and hokey fight scenes. But what saves it from my Wall of Shame is the fact that it doesn’t take itself seriously for one moment.

I don’t know what the cast thinks of it today, but it looks like most actors had a pretty good idea that they weren’t doing Shakespeare, and tried to have as much fun on screen as possible. Some performances, like Scott Wolfe and Alyssa Milano’s, are funny in a particularly cringe-inducing way, but Robert Patrick (who had already shown his sense of humor in a Wayne’s World cameo) steals the show by chewing the scenery at every opportunity he gets. The dialogue is cheesy and unintentionally funny throughout (“You’re weak, like your father!” “You’re ugly, like your mother!”), but Patrick delivers a line so immortally preposterous that I had to make it the titel of my review (who said there was no Shakespeare?).

The art department clearly did most of the work, by putting Escape From New York, Mad Max and Big Trouble in Little China into a blender for the film’s convincing post-apocalyptic punk look. That obviously left very little budget for fight choreography, so they settled for some kicks and punches in the air mixed with a lot of goofy slapstick and bad-pun jokes. What few dollars were left were spent on make-up for henchman Abobo’s transformation into what looks like a hilariously bad paper-maché imitation of Sloth from the Goonies.

Many call this one of the worst game adaptations of all time, but you have to recognize cult potential when you find it. This would actually be a 4-star movie if it wasn’t so enjoyably B- or even C-grade. Really, I had a big smile on my face the entire time, and couldn’t help laughing at the extremely cheesy running gag where the protagonists are startled by something, stay silent for a beat, and then yell “WHAAAAAH!!” in unison before running away.

This film doesn’t make the mistake that Streetfighter (both versions) or Doom made, which is thinking that anything in it actually matters or should be taken seriously, not even for a second. It is such unpretentiously bad pulp that it’s fun, and I’d say that after 25 years, it is ready for a re-appraisal of its camp value.Read More